Emily: Yes. So, Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you'd like us to leave you in our wills.
Richard: Take a look at that desk in my office. It's a really fine Georgian piece.
Lorelai: Why don't I ever bring a tape recorder to these dinners?
Rory: Oh, well, anything you want to leave me is fine.
Emily: Nonsense. You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a post-it on it.
Lorelai: Okay, you two have officially hit a new level of weird that even I marvel at.
Emily: You can pick out things too, you know.
Lorelai: Oh, well now it's way less creepy.
Emily: Did you hear that Richard? Apparently we're creepy.
Richard: Yes, well, live and learn.
Lorelai: How does Charlie Rose screw up your REM sleep?
Luke: Because he's always got some guy on pushing a book about how everything's all going to hell, or they're going to pass a law, how everyone with a nose ring is going to get shipped off to China. Suddenly you're depressed, thinking we're all going to die and don't drink the water, there's anthrax in my bagel - and bam, there goes your REM sleep.
Lorelai: Or Mel Brooks is on, and he is so funny, and you think, "What a wonderful world we live in, that there's a Mel Brooks to go to sleep to."
Luke: Mel Brooks is never on Charlie Rose, and when he is on he's talking about Nazis, and then you go to sleep and you dream about Nazis and they all look like Nathan Lane, and you're creeped out for days.
Lorelai: Schooch down now and go to sleep.
Rory: What are you doing?
Lorelai: Nothing, just a little feng shui, go to sleep.
Rory: Mom, you don't have to sleep in here tonight.
Lorelai: I know, I just think the chair looks nice here.
Rory: And what's the blanket for?
Lorelai: In case the chair gets cold.
Rory: And the pillow?
Lorelai: To keep the blanket company.
Lorelai: Okay, everything's in its place. Chair seems warm, blanket seems happy, just one thing missing... oh yeah.
Rory: Freak of sideshow proportions.
Lorelai: I love you, too.
Rory: I'm sorry.
Lorelai: Shh, the chair is trying to sleep.
Colin: Or both, he could be Southern.
Lorelai: "Man, I love e-mail. Every day Rory and I write each other multiple times. It's great."
Luke: "You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them?"
Lorelai: "Wrong perspective. E-mail is a return to the romantic days of letter writing. It's pure Dickens."
What is Richard's mother's real name?
Lorelai. Emily. Paris. Rory.
Lorelai: Hey is Jackson in the house? Let me hear you say Unh.
Lorelai: A new toy!
Luke: Maybe if you drank a little less coffee you'd make a little less lists.
Lorelai: Oh, I can't stop drinking the coffee. I stop drinking the coffee- I stop doing the standing, walking and the words-putting-into-sentence-doing.
Rory: I am dancing, I can not control where my glance goes, and when I can control it, my glance goes to Dean.
Jess: You mean you can't control when you look at me, but you have to force yourself to look at him.
Jess: You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.
Rory: Why are you only nice to me?
Jess: Excuse me?
Rory: An hour ago you were totally screwing with Dean and now you're totally nice to me.
Jess: You see, it's the screwing with Dean that's an important step to getting here so that I can be nice to you
Remember, I’m your editor. I’m not your mother or hugger. If you...– Paris Geller
Michel: You like neon.
Rory: I’m sorry?
Michel: I see you have made liberal use of my pink neon Post-It notes.
Rory: I’m sorry, Michel. Would you like me to reimburse you for the 7 pink neon Post-It notes I have used? I would be happy to, if you could break a penny.
Michel: No, little Lorelai. It’s not the money that’s the problem, it’s the disruption!
Lorelai: Hey, I have a huge dilemma that I need your opinion on!
Lorelai: Am I more beautiful today than I was yesterday?
I like pie. It doesn’t mean I want to date pie.– Lorelai Gilmore
Luke: There's no coffee.
Lorelai: That's not funny.
Luke: I can give you herbal tea.
Lorelai: This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke: Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
Lorelai: This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke: I can give you tea and a Balance bar.
Lorelai: Please, please, please, tell me you're kidding!
Luke: I'm kidding.
Lorelai: You're sick.
Lorelai: You're a sadist, you're a fiend! You're pretty.
Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met?
Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right?
Luke: It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person...
Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me?
Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy.
Lorelai: Ooh, it's me.
Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her.
Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful.
Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me.
Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you?
Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee.
Lorelai: But she didn't go away.
Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me -
[takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her]
Luke: one day it would bring me luck.
Lorelai: Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee. Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? You kept this in your wallet.
Luke: Eight years.
Lorelai: Eight years...
Emily: An education is the most important thing in the world, next to family.
Lorelai: And pie.
Girl: Is it raining?
Paris: No, its National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.
A-Tisket, A-Tasket (02x13)
Jess Mariano: You know, I like this place.
Rory Gilmore: Wow, a place in Stars Hollow you actually like.
Jess Mariano: You see that spot over there?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah.
Jess Mariano: That's where Luke pushed me in.
Rory Gilmore: Pff.
Jess Mariano: Are you mad or something?
Rory Gilmore: I just don't want to be in a fight with Dean.
Jess Mariano: I'm sorry about that. Do you want to push me in a lake?
Rory Gilmore: Maybe later.
Emily: You call that a mistake?
Lorelai: Well, I tried to call it Al, but it would only answer to mistake.
Lorelai: Can I ask you stupid questions?
Luke: There's no such thing.
Lorelai: How does ink come out of pens?
Luke: All right, there is such a thing.
I know you. I know you better than anyone.– Jess Mariano (via fuckyeahroryandjess)
Rory: If the house was burning down, what would you save first, the cake or me?
Lorelai: Not fair! The cake doesn't have legs!